


About Last Night...

by demitruli



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: 13x16, Canon/AU, F/M, Japril, Japril The Sequel, Post-Montana, montana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-02 09:33:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16784305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demitruli/pseuds/demitruli
Summary: Set right after 13x16. The flight back, the discussion we all deserved. Can they make this work? APOV, probably three-shot.





	1. The Flight Back

With my gaze lost somewhere outside the airplane's small, round window, I finally allowed my mind to relax. Between Caroline -Jackson and I's patient- being awake and talking again, packing our things and all the paperwork we had to fill, I hadn't gotten a moment to myself today – a moment to sit back and force myself to realize that last night was not a dream.

Because frankly, that was exactly what it felt like, but not in the romantic sense necessarily. It was just that it felt like a blur. Like something pulled out of the distant and faint fantasies of a sleeping brain's imagination. It honestly didn't feel real, and I would have sworn I had made it all up if it wasn't for the fact that, blurry and surreal as the whole picture was… it was the details that I remembered, clear and vivid.

Like this very second, for example, I just casually brushed my hand across my forearm- and that plain, small movement brought another detail to the surface. It was the exact same spot, right above my wrist, that he had grabbed and pinned against the mattress with a groan when I wouldn't stop touching him and he was desperately trying to last. The look he'd given me was supposed to be scolding, but with his glazed-over eyes and his frantic breaths coming out quick as I'd ever heard them, his glare had lost _some_ of its strength.

I caught myself half-smiling, the same way I had smiled at him then.

I quickly took control of my expression, remembering I wasn't alone in the plane. In the only other seat, on the opposite side of the corridor, sat him -exactly like he had on our flight to Montana. Which definitely didn't feel like three days ago. More like a lifetime.

I dared a glance at him from the corner of my eyes. He was folding his black jacket at the time, then he made himself comfortable in the beige leather seat for the upcoming hours of stillness. The plane – _his_ plane, even though he wouldn't admit so- had just taken off Bozeman's airport, and we had a few hours ahead of us to make up for the sleepless night we'd just had.

I realized I had been staring at him like a moron for the past minute, and quickly withdrew my gaze. Sex with Jackson had brought back a whole lot of inappropriate thoughts I had so carefully locked in a drawer, but I'd be damned if I started ogling him like a lovesick puppy.

Even though that was pretty much what I had been doing all morning. _Sigh._

"Champagne?"

I turned my head to look at the flight attendant -Katie I think was her name- who had just walked in the cabin. For some reason, the sight of the two long glasses filled with the fizzy, transparent drink drew the same reaction from me as it had the first time. With a wide grin on my face, I reached for the one glass excitedly. "Yes, I think the time for champagne has finally come."

I casually glanced towards Jackson again, when his eyes met mine and a brilliant smile made its way to his lips. "It definitely has." He agreed and took the other glass, freeing Katie who turned and walked away.

He raised his glass up the air. "Cheers."

"Cheers." I repeated the motion and then brought the glass to my mouth taking a sip. It tasted _amazing_. It was youthful and fruity, comprising apple and lemon flavors and a touch of honey. When the fizz finished with a chalky freshness in my mouth, I couldn't help but sigh aloud. "God, this is _so good_."

I heard a snort then and my eyes snapped open at once to see was watching me carefully, his expression amused. "What?" I questioned.

"God?" he said, quirking an eyebrow. "A few hours ago it was _Jackson_."

It took me a moment to realize what he was saying. Once I did I was pretty sure my heart stopped beating for a second there. "Hey!" I yelped, grabbing the first thing I could get my hand on – my coat- and throwing it his way. Unfortunately he caught it mid-air before it managed to land on his face like I had planned. His loud chuckles filled the small cabin.

I rolled my eyes and looked down at my drink. With my cheeks gradually filling with color, I bit my lips to hold back a smile.

Well, he was right, of course. It had been _Jackson_. And _baby_ too, I think, but that one had slipped from my tongue before I had the chance to realize it, and truth was I had been kind of too occupied to check for his reaction. If it had made him feel uncomfortable, though, he hadn't showed it.

A few moments passed before he stopped laughing, and he finally laid back on his seat and stared out his window. My eyes traced over him again; I couldn't help it. It had been forbidden for so long for me to look at him, really look at him. And now that I could…

Could I though? I frowned at myself. I realized I had no idea. I was pretty clueless about a lot of things, in fact, but what I did know was that it had been a long while since there was something in my life so thrilling and electrifying that I just couldn't get it out of my stupid, _stupid_ head.

And then last night happened.

Frankly, I hadn't even seen it coming. The ride home from the surgery had been a rush, the trill of our success too great and impossible to bother restraining. We had grown close over the whole ordeal with his father already, and I was just so happy to have him back, laughing with me like an idiot in the middle of the night. He woke the entire city of Bozeman up, and I did nothing but help him. Even the receptionist of the hotel –such a sweet old lady- asked us, with a kind smile, to quiet down a bit when we passed through the reception.

It was the closest we'd ever come to those crazy kids once upon a time, engaging in bar fights and then running through the hallways while laughing like drunks. And exactly like it had happened back then, the lust hit me out of nowhere. Of course I knew that -putting the last few months aside- I still kind of wanted him… It would be pretentious to suggest otherwise. But I had no idea that I could still want him that much.

We made love all night, dusk till dawn. I couldn't get enough of him. I was tired, and I was sore after all these months of absence but I didn't care. I didn't want to sleep, and I wanted the ache. I wanted him in me, all the time, wanted his weight on top of me. I wanted to watch his face, to feel his hot breath hit my skin and his sweat on my body. Everything was so familiar, his scent, his thrusts, the way his hands held my sides a bit too tight in the most satisfying way and how warm his mouth was, how soft his tongue felt against my skin. How deep and dark his usually bright eyes looked when they bore into mine from such a close distance.

But somehow, everything was brand new at the same time. I couldn't believe it. I thought there wasn't a thing I didn't know about him, about having sex with him, but somehow every once in a while I still managed to invent something new. To shift some movements, to adjust different pressures, to lick and suck and kiss in ways I hadn't yet discovered and draw new sounds from his throat that were worth a thousand heartaches. He pushed down, I bucked. I scratched his back, he bit my lips. I kissed the scar on his forehead and he caressed the one across my stomach, his eyes never leaving mine. I did something and he copied it, then he did something and I did it back. There was no end to it, an endless cycle of actions and reactions.

The entire room rocked and shook until morning when we headed downstairs hand-in-hand, with flashed faces and high-collar sweaters to hide the fresh marks. The kind old lady at the reception flashed us a smile that was too mischievous to be considered sweet anymore.

Abruptly thrown back to the present by a slight shake of the airplane, I realized that while my mind had been running a hundred miles an hour, I'd been gawking at Jackson again.

_Oh for the love of…_

I took a deep breath, in an almost violent way. I had to pull my crap together. I tried to think of anything else, to engage into a conversation with him to get my mind out of the gutter because honestly I was being pathetic. Lucky for me, there was another burning subject in need of discussion, and it didn't take me too long to recall what it was. We hadn't talked about it since earlier in the morning as we laid tangled on his room's bed, and now I truly was curious… And so I broke the silence that had fallen between us –how long had it been now? Seconds? Hours?

My voice was reluctant when I spoke. "So. Did you talk to _him_?"

I was expecting his expression to cloud up, just like it did every time I brought up his dad. Instead, though, he just sighed, closed his eyes and rested his head back on the seat. "Yeah." He simply mumbled.

A movement of the clouds had some white, morning sunrays land on his face through the window, doing wonders with the shadows they created. The sight was a masterpiece, a work of art more beautiful than any painting I had ever laid my eyes on. And I found myself wishing he'd open his eyes again, because I just knew how brilliant they would look in the light and I ached to see it.

I gulped. _Focus._ "And?"

"I told him about Harriet." He mattered. Then he huffed. "The man had the guts to actually call himself a grandpa. I told him he's not one, and that he's not my father. That by having a kid you're making a promise, and… and then I said I was glad I met him and walked away."

I looked down at my glass, processing all that. The yellowish liquid was still slightly fizzing. "And how are you feeling?"

"Honestly? I don't know if this will last or the whole thing will lash on me later, but as of right now…" he trailed off and looked me right in the eyes. "I actually feel pretty amazing."

I knew him well enough to back that up.

And I had been _so_ right about his eyes in the sun.

The sight before me was so beautiful that I felt the sudden urge to get closer, to bring my face an inch from his own and get the clearest view I could. My first instinct was to push the thought away, just like I had been doing for almost two years. And I'd been getting a lot of thoughts about him, thoughts that no woman should be having about her ex-husband. That is, unless he was not such an ex anymore. And now with the urge to go to him so hard to hold back, I suddenly realized that I didn't have to anymore.

I didn't _have to_ hold back. Yes, I didn't know where we stood or if last night meant something, but just a few hours ago we had been in each other's arms, cuddling naked in bed. That gave me the right to at least go sit by him, right?

Reluctantly, as I was unsure if he still craved my closeness, I got up from my seat and walked the few feet separating us, then stood still to face him. I crossed my arms behind my back and bit my lips, waiting.

He peeked at me through long eyelashes, his stunning eyes half closed in the sunlight. I watched his expression carefully, as a warm and yet amused smile appeared on his lips at the sight of my hesitation.

And that was enough. My body relaxed at once, my hands dropping to my sides as I smiled back at him.

"Move your butt, I wanna sit."

He pursed his lips playfully. "Hm, that's too bad. This seat can't hold us both."

"Yeah, I guess your ego is too big _Dr. Avery_." I smirked.

"I was talking about your pregnancy weight but fair enough."

"Hey!" I yelped and hit his chest as he shot back his head and laughed. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms against my chest waiting for him to stop, while at the same time putting a great amount of effort into keeping a straight face myself.

Finally, he straightened up on his seat and closed his legs, before patting on his lap slightly. I shook my head in pretend exasperation but sat on top of him anyway, facing the window. I lowered my body on his chest while my head rested on his left shoulder, my forehead nuzzling at the crook of his neck. To my astonishment, he lost no time to wrap his hands around me.

A while passed with the two of us just staring out the window in silence, the only sounds being the low purring of the plane's engine and the soft, breezy sounds of our breaths. The beauty of Montana unfolded before our eyes, underneath the swirling clouds. I allowed my eyes to wonder along the small white hills and valleys and trace the line of the horizon, before pausing on the broad mountains towering above it.

"How beautiful is this place…" I wondered aloud in awe.

"Yeah." he mumbled. "It really is."

"Look at all that snow." I sighed. "It's always just rainy in Seattle no matter how cold it gets. Is it too much to ask for a chance to build a stupid snowman?" I grumbled, my nose wrinkling.

He chuckled, then beamed. "I bet Harriet would love snow too."

My mind briefly flew back to those insane snowball fights we had had that Christmas we'd spent in Moline. I tried imagining a tiny little human joining us. "Aw, can you just picture her, Jackson? With a coat twice her size and a scurf up to her nose, little fluffy gloves and a bunny beanie…" I squealed, gathering my fists to my face in excitement.

"She wouldn't even be able to walk."

I bit my lips and met his gaze. Then we both burst out laughing at the fact that our daughter couldn't walk anyways. It was such a free spirited moment. So when he asked me his next question, I was completely unprepared.

"You don't regret it, do you?"

The tone of his voice made it clear he wasn't talking about Harriet anymore.

I froze for a second in stunned silence, all laughter caught in my throat. It took way too long for me to be able to look at him, and when I did he was looking out the window with unease written all over his characteristics.

Hesitantly, almost skittishly, his eyes met mine.

I felt my heart skip a beat. Was he seriously _afraid_ of my answer? What did this mean? And frankly, I was surprised he actually brought the issue up himself. That was usually my job. In any case, I was sure that me being in his arms with whatever look was on my face right now made my answer more than obvious, but for the sake of clarity I also shook my head.

He let out a breath and nodded. His tense expression softened. "Good. At least for once we're on the same page afterwards."

I sucked in a breath. I could feel my pulse pounding in my ears, its rhythm rapid and irregular. God forbid I developed heart issues out of the sudden. I mean I wasn't _that_ old…

Oh Lord, this man was going to be the death of me.

"Do you want to talk about that now?" I asked, struggling to keep my voice straight.

"You don't? I mean, we have about one and a half hours ahead of us."

"I know but… I was just thinking we could do this tonight. After we put Harriet to sleep, with maybe a bottle of wine…" I suggested.

He grinned. "That's so adult."

"Don't we need it, though?" I challenged.

He push a small lock of hair behind my ear. "Yeah we do."

I nodded, feeling the blood rising to my cheeks. "Okay then. Tonight."

"Tonight." He agreed.

A few moments of silence followed, and as I marveled at the feeling of his chest rising and falling rhythmically beneath me, the image of us back at his place crossed my mind. I felt my stomach tying into a knot and I bit my lips. This shouldn't make me feel so anxious, we would just sit down and talk about Montana. Casually. No big deal…

My heart skipped a beat again, and I almost glared at my chest.

From the corner of my eye I noticed some movement, and I saw him looking down at my bitten lips. A second went by. He didn't drop his gaze.

Oh, so I wasn't the only one ogling here. _Good._

"You know…" he trailed off, and I waited for him to finish the sentence but never did.

"Yes?" I urged him on.

"Well, we _still_ have a lot of time to kill until we land."

"Do we?" I knew what he was getting at, and I couldn't help but glance down at his lips as well.

"Yeah… Fortunately." he murmured and he shifted a bit beneath me so that his face neared mine. His eyes met mine with a question hidden inside them.

It seemed almost comical to be asking for my permission for a kiss after everything that had just happened, but I sure understood his hesitation at this point. Instead of nodding I just leaned closer, my eyes flattering closed just as my lips found his.

The warmth of his spread throughout my entire body. My lips were firm against his, but the kiss remained soft, gentle, slow. We held it for a few seconds, before our lips began to move in perfect sync, slowly, cautiously. I exhaled through my nose, not wanting to let go.

The sensations were overwhelming even though the kiss was gentle and slow. Or maybe because of that. I had some room to experience this fully for the first time, room to process my inner world and I realized that…

Shit, I had missed him. I had missed him so much. _Damn it._

A frustrated sound left my mouth, and my hands flew to his shirt. I pulled him to me, pressed myself harder against him. I tried to get enough. I couldn't. Attempting to conquer as much of him as I could, I pulled away from his mouth and kissed his jaw, his cheekbone, the hollow behind his ear, all the way to his throat – and when all that wasn't enough, I just wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him to me. I ended up hugging him. It wasn't what I was going for, but there I was; pressing myself against him, holding him as tight as humanly possible. Surprisingly, the odd gesture didn't weird him out. I felt him on my shoulder, burying his head in my hair and I did the same at the crook of his neck. I held him, and he held me.

And it was everything.

Being embraced by Jackson like this, after the army, after the divorce, and all those endless fights since… I couldn't believe it. The warmth, the tenderness… the feeling of being somehow wanted by him again, how could this even be? I thought he hated me, I honestly thought I had made him resend me for good and he had been tolerating me since, and now he… now I just…

It was faint, but I felt him squeeze me slightly, holding me tighter.

_I couldn't believe it._

In this moment, in this tiny yet luxurious plane, it honestly felt like he had missed me too. Like this was the scene when two lovers, separated by the cruelty of life, were falling back into each other's arms. The affection, the devotion, the passion... I felt it all fighting inside me, demanding to be released, to conquer me whole.

Impossible. Inconceivable.

Could it really be?

With a sigh, I let my hands fall from his neck. _Perhaps_ , was my answer. But I shouldn't just jump to conclusions like that. I would wait, until tonight. I would hold back until I knew for sure if…

I unburied my head from his throat, turning to rest my cheek on his shoulder instead. The morning sun was still shining, warm rays landing on my face. He raised his head as well, leaning back to his seat. But his hands remained on me, caressing my back. The urgency dissolved as fast as it had appeared, but tenderness took its place.

Still, I just… couldn't believe it. I stayed there, stunned, breathing him in and cherishing his touches. As if not a single hardship had been our way, and we were still those carefree dorks in wedding-wear, devouring fries in a getaway car.

Eventually he sighed, loudly and overly-dramatically, in a classic Avery fashion. "I wanted to do this all morning." He declared, and I felt a small grin form on my face.

He was probably talking about the kissing. "But you _were_ doing this all morning." I reminded him.

"I mean after. At the hospital. When Caroline spoke and you gave me that look…" he sucked in a sharp breath that made an almost hissing sound as it passed through his shut teeth. "I wanted to grab you and kiss you right there -Corridan and the moms be damned- I mean, the way you looked at me…"

I felt him shake his head, and sat up, my head leaving its cozy and warm place on his shoulder to face him. I searched his eyes, and they were honest; clear like the crystalline waters of the lake where we once vowed ourselves to each other. In them I saw only openness, trust, warmth…

I couldn't freaking believe it!

I burst out laughing out of the sudden; the jingly sound mingling with the roaring of the plane's engine, fading softly.

"What?" he asked amused.

I giggled. "This isn't what is supposed to happen when you get divorced!"

He broke into a brilliant grin and nodded, his eyes widening in emphasis. "I know, what the hell?"

"We're crazy! Insane!"

"Absolute lunatics!" he agreed with a chuckle.

My lips landed on his with fierceness, and I surprised him for a second. I kissed him in delight, fits of laughter escaping my mouth between pecks. I felt his arms travel up my back until his fingers buried in my hair, and he tug at them slightly.

It took me embarrassingly little time to lose every sense of control I had over my body. My brain lit on fire, and without breaking our kiss I held onto his shoulders for support and straddled him. That allowed me better access to him; soon my hands were all over him, his face, his neck, his chest. Eventually he let go of my hair to let his hands drop to my butt, cupping my cheeks with both is palms and squeezing. I squealed against his mouth and I felt him smile before his lips left mine, letting me breathe.

However, his mouth never left my skin. His lips traced the outline of my jaw and made their way to the base of my neck, finding just the right spot to make my eyes roll back on my skull, sounds of pleasure emerging from deep within my throat. And then I felt his fingers grab my shirt, pulling it out of my pants for his hands to roam up my bare back.

My eyes shot open and I pulled back, taking hold of his wrists and stopping his hands. "What are you doing?" I hissed between my teeth, my breaths coming out panting.

He looked at me, mischief in his eyes. "I'm being a lunatic." he whispered.

"Are you serious? We're on a plane!"

"Yeah. _My_ _private_ plane."

"Oh, so _now_ it's yours. That's great." I huffed and he freed his right arm from my grip to return it to my hip. I slapped it. "Cut it off! Katie could walk in on us any minute, we're not doing this here!"

He removed his hand only to look at me questioningly with narrowed eyes. "Is she really the problem or do you not want to have sex with me again until we've talked? Cause if that's the case then I'm stopping right now." he assured me. "But if it isn't…"

I felt the color rise on my cheeks at his words, my heart racing inside my chest. I knew that only if we cleared things out I would be able to give myself to him one hundred percent. Also I wasn't really fond of public displays of affection and he knew it. But on the other hand, even if things seemed pretty hopeful at this point there was still a chance that our talk wouldn't be for good. Right now he was an inch away from me. It was really Jackson. _My_ Jackson. I could kiss him all I wanted, forgetting all consequences or misunderstandings… At this very moment, he was mine to be close to and kiss and love, and the idea was just… beyond surreal. Beyond anything.

But I had no idea if this was going to last. Maybe we wouldn't be able to make ends meet. It wasn't like he hadn't thought through the divorce, it was obviously a very conscious decision. What if we just weren't supposed to end up together? What if we were toxic for each other? Maybe this was nothing but casual sex after all, and we would end up staying just friends after.

I felt a sting at my stomach. This could be my last chance to ever make love to Jackson.

"It isn't." My reply sounded as breathless as I felt.

He smirked.

Not a heartbeat later his hand moved to my hip to support my weight as I felt him move beneath me. "What are you-" I began asking but I cut myself off with a yelp as he stood up on his feet, picking me up with him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and let out a squeal as he began walking towards the room right next to ours, with the baize leather couch across the left wall.

He didn't go for the couch as I expected him to, though. Instead he moved us across the room until I felt my back hit the wall. I looked up at him amused as he began leaning towards me. "Jackson, what-" I tried again but he rose his one hand to place a finger on my lips, shushing me, and continued leaning closer. I thought he was going for my neck again, when his hand left my lips to touch something on the wall next to my head instead.

"Katie?" he then said to my ear and I blinked confused. Only when I turned my head did I notice that there was, in fact, an intercom device on the wall right next to me.

" _Yes, Dr. Avery?"_ I heard a female voice reply.

"Dr. Kepner and I were operating all night and therefor are extremely tired." He exclaimed and glanced towards me, a smirk on his lips. "Could you please turn the sleep mode on and give us some privacy until we reach the airport? We could really use a nap."

"The _sleep mode_?" I mouthed at him but he just smiled.

" _Of course, Dr. Avery. Right away. Do you want me to bring you pillows as well?"_

"No, no, we're fine, thank you."

" _Alright. Have a good nap, Dr. Avery."_ The voice came again, followed by a beeping noise. His hand fell from the button he had been pressing at once, stopping the sound, and then he reached to lock the door.

"You want to take a nap, _Dr. Avery?_ " I asked, my voice high pitched as I mimicked the flight attendant's tone and he chuckled in response.

Just when I was about to pull his mouth to mine, though, all the shatters of the windows began closing automatically, and as darkness filled the small cabin, hundreds of tiny white lights appeared on the roof of the plane, resembling the beauty of the starry night sky.

I gasped. "Oh my God…"

Out of the corner of my eyes I caught him smile at me. "Pretty cool, huh?"

I shook my head, awestruck. "It's beautiful." I murmured.

"Something told me you'd enjoy it." He muttered and then moved us again, carrying me across the room before placing me on the couch and getting on top of me.

I was extremely aware of everything. Every part of him that came in contact with my skin, every inch of my body where his gaze lingered. Like my veins had turned into electric wires, and every sensation was enhanced exceptionally, as if the feeling of him conjuring my senses wasn't already too much. When he leaned in and his lips found my neck, placing a wet and delicious kiss right on that spot that made my knees weak, it was a sensation overload.

I inhaled sharply and took hold of his shoulders, my fingernails digging on his back hard enough so I knew that even through his shirt I was probably scratching his skin. I sighed and removed my hands as to not hurt him, but pulled my legs from underneath his and wrapped them around his body, sealing him in their hold so tightly that my ass was off the couch and I was pressing up against him.

That took him by surprise. He let out a breath against my neck and his lower half collapsed, me falling back against the couch and his weight pinning me down, pressing the growing bulge of his jeans right between my legs. We made matching sounds at that, and my nails were digging at his back again. I groaned. I managed to pull them away and place them on his neck instead, then on the back of his ears. I pulled him to me with force and kissed him with all my might.

And then I moaned in pain.

He caught how off the sound was and pulled away quickly.

I merely stood completely still, immobilized. My eyes were wide, staring at the ceiling, my mouth half open and breaths sharp. Another agonizing sound escaped my lips.

"What? What is it?" he asked in midst panic.

" _Foot cramp, foot cramp_." I spat out struggling, my face twisting to a wince.

His head fell at the crook of my neck and he burst out laughing. I groaned and wined, gripping onto him. It was a real bad one, it seriously hurt. "Quit laughing!" I cried between my own chuckles when he wouldn't.

He gave my neck a quick peck and untangled my legs from around him. "Ouch, ouch, ouch!" I yelped when that only had the pain grow in intensity, as he sat on the couch and pulled my legs on his lap.

"Which one?" he asked, semi-worried but amused to no end. His Adam's apple kept bouncing in silent and restrained laughter.

I raised my left leg slightly, wincing all the way.

He pulled off my left boot, took ahold of my foot and began massaging it, while he kept shooting some looks like I had just cracked the best joke in the universe. Of course, eventually he lost it. "Way to kill the mood, kid."

"Shut up!"

Fits of his loud laughter filled the cabin and I groaned, burying my face in my hands and laughing as well. We laughed and laughed lightheartedly until laughing got exhausting, and even then when we quieted down one look was enough for a whole new round to start back up.

And just like that, another fun, impossible memory was added to the pile. Amongst the snow-fights and the sleepless nights, the boards and the eloping. We kept adding to the pile, somehow, sundown. And the past three days, last night, this moment right here were the impossible proof that despite the hell the two of us had been through, we somehow had found a way to move forward. To make new memories, add to the pile. To love each other through it all.

The word in my head found me unprepared, and my eyes widened involuntarily. Hadn't I just said I wouldn't jump to any conclusions until we talked tonight? What if I started believing things now only to end up getting hurt again? What if… But no. No these were just my insecurities talking. I knew the way he had looked at me yesterday, the way he had been looking at me ever since. I knew that look, I felt it clothing my bones. And his touches, his behavior towards me, I knew well enough what it meant. Besides, we had had sex last night. And if there was one thing I knew it was that when it came to Jackson and I, it was never _just_ sex. It might be confusing sometimes, maybe complicated, but it always, always meant something.

Last night meant something.

And when I finally allowed myself to think that phrase, I realized I had known it all along. The relief that knowledge brought was beyond imagination.

Jackson caressed my calf, bringing my attention back to him. He saw my eyes glisten, the extra wetness of my relief evident, and his playful demeanor changed. A crease formed between his eyebrows, a faint frowning that I knew by heart. "What is it?" he asked, his voice dripping honey.

_I love you_ , came a faint thought, and the truth of it had my stomach twist, leaving my brain frozen – yet at the same time warmed my chest in a way long forgotten.

I said nothing, of course.

Instead I pushed myself up and crushed my lips against his own, and we picked up from where we had left off this morning.


	2. Getting Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a quick and fun one. Next one will be better, I promise :P

As soon as I sat down on the back seat of the car Harriet began struggling in my arms and let out a small whimper.

“What? You wanna stay here at the airport?” I asked, my voice coming out high and soft just like every time I talked to her. “It really is a nice day, but there’s nothing to do out here.” I complained, my lower lip sticking out slightly.

In addition came another little cry, as her body stretched and fists clenched.

I lifted her up so that she was standing, her feet on my lap. She had begun standing on her own lately –with the support of the couch or other furniture- but she hadn’t taken her first steps yet. Jackson and I had been waiting for that moment anxiously. “Don’t you want to go home and get some rest?” I asked her. “Mommy and daddy were operating on a little girl _all night!_ They are so, so tired! But then tomorrow we could, maybe, go to the park if you want? And get some ice cream!” I suggested as she put her fist in her mouth, obviously having no idea what I was talking about. “Well, _mommy_ is gonna get some ice cream. Perks of being a grown up.” I added in my normal voice.

I heard the driver sitting in the front seat chuckle softly, then, and that was when the realization that I actually wasn’t alone sank in. I felt my cheeks flush slightly in response as I took hold of Harriet again and placed her on the baby car seat next to me. “Do you have kids?” I asked the driver with a small smile while buckling my daughter’s seat belt.

He shook his head. “Not yet. My wife and I are trying, though.”

I looked at him through the rear view mirror. “Aw, that’s wonderful!” I exclaimed.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “It is. At least, the trying part is fun.” He laughed and I giggled along. “I am kind of worried about what comes after, though, but my wife seems so confident and sure about everything that I think we are covered.”

I smiled. “Well, my…” I trailed off, my voice fading. I cleared my throat. “ _Jackson_ was pretty nervous too, at first. I had always known he would make an amazing dad, but he wasn’t very confident in himself. Yet another time I turned out to be the one who’s right.” I said with a shrug and the driver huffed in response. “Don’t worry. It’s a bit hard until you get used to it, but once you do and relax a bit you’ll see it’s not all that scary anymore. You’ll do great.”

He glanced back at me through the dark sun glasses he was wearing and gave me a smile. “That is actually very reassuring. Thank you, Dr. …?”

“Kepner”, I muttered, “April Kepner.”

“Dr Kepner.” He repeated, just as the back door opposed to mine opened and Catherine sat on the empty seat.

I turned to buckle my own seat belt when I heard the last door open too, Jackson sitting at the front next to the driver. As soon as I sat back straight Jackson turned to look at me. “Did you double check?” he asked, glancing towards Harriet’s seat.

“Yep. All ready to go.” I exclaimed and he nodded as the car began moving.

We were driving in silence for a while until Catherine spoke. “So, I take it the surgery went well?”

I nodded. “It went great. Better than we could have possibly imagined. That girl was talking almost as soon as she woke up, it was incredible.”

“I’m confused.” Catherine said with a frown. “Did you not do the laryngectomy after the transplant got scrapped?”

“We used her ileo-cecal valve and her attached appendix to build the patient a new vocal tube.” Jackson explained.

The shocked look on Catherine’s face was priceless and I couldn’t hold back a giggle. “We turned her stomach into an actual throat.” I added.

Catherine stared at me in disbelief. “Who came up with that?”

My smile grew wider. “It was all Jackson’s idea.”

He huffed. “It wasn’t even an idea, it was all because of that stupid expression.”

“Which you still can’t get right.” I said with a wide grin and we shared a look of utter amusement through the rear view mirror.

Once I finally broke our gaze, I noticed that Catherine was examining our exchange carefully, and in advance I quickly looked down at my arms on my lap. This woman was like a hurricane, if she even sensed there was something going on between us again she would use her meddling powers without restraint, and that was the very last thing we needed right now.

And she had definitely figured something was different already. “So you two must be very tired.” She assumed, talking slowly as if she was choosing her words carefully.

“Mhm.” Jackson agreed and I nodded.

“That surgery must have taken a hell of a long time. April, honey, did you even sleep at all?”

I felt the blood rise up my cheeks as I looked out the window. “Uh, no. Not really.” I mumbled.

“Oh, that’s too bad. How about you, baby?” she asked Jackson.

I heard him clear his throat. “No, I didn’t either. Which is exactly why we are so tired.” I gave him a quick glance and our eyes locked for a brief second, then quickly away.

“I see.” Catherine muttered. “Well, if you want me to come over to look after Harriet for a bit longer so that you two can get some sleep then-”

“No!” we both cut her off at once.

I was sure I saw her lips slightly twitch in an attempt to hide a grin.

I gulped. “Um, I can’t speak for Jackson but I have a lot of things to do before sleeping… like empty my suitcase… and stuff… And it soon will be Harriet’s bedtime anyways, so there is no need. You go rest, you’ve already done more than enough. Thank you, Catherine.”

She smiled. “Why, of course. And, please honey, just don’t thank me. That’s what grandma’s are for.”

Thankfully she didn’t meddle any further during the rest of the ride, which I appreciated greatly. Instead we engaged into various conversations about our trip, and before I knew it the car pulled into the house’s front yard. Catherine kissed all three of us goodnight before we walked to the front porch, and as I was holding Harriet Jackson used her hand to wave at his mom goodnight, making me laugh out loud. Then the car drove into the night.

Jackson and I locked eyes for a brief moment, before I bit my lower lip and led the way to the front door. I tried holding Harriet with one arm, so that I could reach for my keys with the other, but from behind me came his hand with his set of keys ready.

“I got it.” He said, and for the few seconds that it took for him to unlock his entire body was pressing into mine. I could even feel his breath against my shoulder, and I felt my teeth’s grip on my lip get all the tighter.

“There.” He said eventually, and the door swang open before me.

I nodded. “Thank you.”

Once we walked in and he locked the door behind us, I took a second of just standing above the stairs, my eyes travelling around the living room and taking everything in. From the large fireplace to the black and white throw pillows, I had to admit that even though this place had been just ‘Jackson’s house’ for so long, looking at it now I realized I had actually missed it. Being here just felt… right.

With the corner of my eyes I noticed Jackson nearing me, until I soon felt his arms wrapping around my waist, his face burying in my hair. “Finally home.” He mumbled while letting out a long sigh.

_Home._

The word had a shiver running down my spine, but instead of cold it spread warmth all over my body. I closed my eyes for a brief second and savored the moment, the feeling of his hands wrapped around me, our baby in my arms. And then, too soon, he let go. He didn’t walk away completely, though, as his one arm remained on my shoulder.

And then he burst out laughing.

“What?” I asked curiously, a wide grin on my lips at the view. “What is it?”

“Her face!” he managed to spit out between chuckles pointing towards Harriet, and I looked down at her in wonder, only for my mouth to drop.

Harriet’s face was all crumbled up in an extensive grimace also known as the infamous ‘angry face’ she had inherited from her father. Her tiny eyebrows were smashed together in a deep frown, her lower lip slightly sticking out. And just as I thought the whole thing couldn’t possibly get more ridiculous, she used her little hand to shove her father’s one away from my shoulder.

Jackson threw back his head and laughed. “Did you see that?!”

 _What the…_ “What are you doing, Hattie?” I asked my daughter who, still frowning, leaned down to rest her head at the crook of my neck.

“Do you not like me touching mommy?” he asked her, placing his hand on my shoulder again, and her head immediately shot up in response as she pushed it away again with a small cry.

I widened my eyes. “Holy crap!”

Jackson gasped, fake offence on his face. “Whoa, what do you think you’re doing? Mommy is mine!” he growled and raised one arm to point at his chest. “Mine!”

I watched her eyes focus on his hand, studying it carefully for a moment. And then in the smallest of gestures, she raised her tiny hand too, hitting her chest with her palm. “Aae!” she quirked, anger written all over her face.

“Oh. My. _God!_ ” I squealed before bursting out laughing.

Jackson snorted in disbelief before repeating his gesture. “No, mine!”

“Aae!” she yelled back furiously and hit her chest again.

He wrapped his arms around me, his head on my shoulder. “Mine!”

She used her hand to push back his face. “Aaaee!”

By that point I was laughing so hard my eyes began watering. “This is _not happening!_ ” I cried, my entire body shaking in laughter.

“You possessive little…” I heard him growl from behind me and I just held on my belly with my free hand in an attempt to make it stop hurting from all the laughter.

Harriet wrapped her arms around my neck and nuzzled her face against it, glaring at her father from the corner of her eyes. “Aae.” She finally mumbled against my skin, and I just looked back at him, my mouth hanging open, disbelief and pure amusement written all over my face.

His expression mirrored my own. “Well, this was unexpected.”

“Yeah, no kidding.” I tilted my head. “Does this count as talking?” My eyes widened in realization. “Oh God, did she just speak?”

He chuckled softly. “I don’t think ‘aae’ counts as a word by any means.”

“What did you expect a baby’s first word to sound like, dummy?”

He shrugged. “Well, we both know her first word will be daddy, so this for sure doesn’t count.”

My eyebrows shot upwards. “Oh, really?” I challenged. “Cause I’m pretty sure she’ll dedicate her first word to her favorite parent instead, won’t you Hattie?” I asked her in my baby voice looking down.

“…Which is what I just said.” He whispered, narrowing his eyes at me.

“Oh, nah-ah, Mr., you are by no means her favorite parent. That spot is long taken.”

He huffed. “Yeah, right. She’s a daddy’s girl.”

“Doesn’t look like it.” I pursed my lips and shook my head, glancing down at her clinging onto me.

He smirked. “You want proof?’ he asked and without waiting for an answer he leaned down so that he was at her level before tapping her shoulder. “Harriet, Harriet?” he quickly said and she slightly turned her head to peek at him. “Who’s daddy’s little baby? Who’s daddy’s favorite girl?” he asked in a goofy voice.

She immediately cracked a smile and raised her hand to touch her nose.

He grinned. “That’s right, Hattie! And who’s Hattie’s favorite daddy?’

I rolled my eyes. “Does she have lots of daddies to choose from?” I grumbled just as she untangled her one arm from around my neck and stretched it towards him.

“Aww, you’re so sweet, baby! Do you wanna come to me and give me a _big_ hug?” He said emphasizing the word while he raised his arms towards her. “Daddy missed his little girl so much!”

And before I knew it, Harriet’s other arm left my neck as well and she leaned towards him, as he picked her up and brought her to his chest instead.

I gasped. “You traitor!” I shouted and tickled her belly, earning a little shriek. “You’re supposed to be on my side in this!” I cried, tickling her harder as her melodic giggles began filling the room.

“Not my baby, don’t touch my baby!” Jackson shouted in urgency as he took a step back, but I quickly caught up and tickled her again, her laughter mixed with screams. “No, go away mom!” he yelled and turned around to hide her from me. “Leave us alone!”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “Yeah, whatever. I’m her favorite parent, I had my belly cut open with no anesthesia to get her out, what did you do?”

He took a moment but eventually he turned his head to smirk at me. “Put her in there?”

I rolled my eyes again. “Nice. As if that took a lot of effort.”

“If you keep rolling your eyes like that they are going to fall off.” He warned me. “And yes, it did take a lot of effort. I still have the scars from the fortune cookies you threw at my face.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “Oh, was _that_ when she happened?”

“I like to think so, yeah.” He said and began pacing towards me. “Our first time after forever... Desperate, needy…”

“… everything messy afterwards… you left…” I reluctantly added, as I was suddenly hit with the realization of how different that reunion had been from the one we had just had last night.

And then the greater realization hit me, of what was happening right now. We were honestly acting like a happy little family for the first time in forever. Being all goofy and carefree, the way it was always supposed to be. And it was just so _easy_. So effortless. So beautiful.

He reached for me then, raising his hand to cup my cheek and I leaned into his touch. The tenderness in it left me awestruck once again- just like it had that very first time.

But suddenly the feeling of his touch left my face and I opened my eyes to see a tiny hand pushing his arm away again.

Harriet cried out, enraged.

“Alright, enough of this.” I said with a giggle. It would apparently take her a while to get used to this new intimacy. That was, if it were here to stay.

I frowned. It was, right? After everything…

“Anyways, talking about fortune cookies…” He interrupted my unpleasant train of thought, glancing at me reluctantly. “Does Chinese sound good for dinner? I think I owe you some extra cookies after the other night I was at the diner.”

I bit my lips. “I think you think right.”

He chuckled nervously. “Okay then just… why don’t you go start unpacking? I’ll take the nugget. I’m gonna order and go put my own stuff back and then come meet you, okay?”

I nodded, knowing that he could manage to get all those done before I finished my one task. I would bet all I had that he barely had two shirts and a pair of boxers in his suitcase, while me, just counting all the breastfeeding equipment, well… “Great.” I simply replied.

And so I did. I gave Harriet a quick peck on the cheek and then I grabbed the suitcase and climbed up the stairs to my room. I switched on the light and opened the window to ventilate. The chilling air of late dusk hit my face, and for a second I just let it. I stared out the back yard, the grass, the yellow aspen tree that stood proud outside my room. Even colored in the drably palette of twilight, I still found the sight stunning.

It was all dark outside when I finally finished emptying the suitcase, and just as I was climbing down the stairs I heard the door from Harriet’s nursery down the hall creak open. I paused a few stairs from the bottom, and watched in amusement as Jackson, on his tiptoes, creeped out of the room overdramatically like some secret agent. He shut the door silently, and when he noticed me watching he raised an eyebrow.

“What?” he mouthed.

I shook my head. “Nothing. You put her to sleep?”

“ _Put_ is a strong word, I merely placed her on the crib. She _passed out_.” he widened his eyes in emphasis.

Lord. What on earth did Catherine do to her? “Snap, I didn’t get to feed her. She’ll probably wake back up at some point.”

“Still, it should give us enough time to talk, right? Oh and before I forget…” he put his hand in the front pocket of his pants, and pulled out a pair of blue dotted panties. _My_ blue dotted panties. The same ones I had been looking for all morning before I had finally given up and simply wore my pants until I changed again in my room.

I almost fell off the stairs at the sight.

“I believe this is yours?” he asked with a bit of unease and my cheeks flashed red in response.

I gulped, flew down the rest of the stairs, and grabbed the underwear. “Uh, yes thank you. Where did you-”

“Behind the bedhead at the hotel.”

I blinked rapidly. “Oh.”

He cleared his throat. “Aha.”

“I wonder how it got there.”

“Yeah, me too, no idea. So! Are we eating here or at the dining room?”

I shook my head in amusement at his attempt to change the subject and slightly chuckled. “Uh, dining room, definitely.”

“Good, great.” He said nodding. “Oh, hold up.” He raised one finger and run passed me to disappear down the hallway. A minute later he was back, holding a sealed bottle of wine.

“You said 'Tonight, after we put Harriet to sleep with some wine' right?' he explained.

Oh, right. “I guess I did say that.” And for once things were going according to my planning, look at that.

“So back upstairs we go.” He led the way to the staircase again, pausing at the base. He gestured towards it. “After you.”

I walked up to him with a small smile, and I only then realized that I still had my panties in my hand. I debated throwing it in the laundry basket real quick, but then with a mental shrug I just hung it at the end cup of the handrail. Then I walked passed him.

“Are you… just gonna leave that there?” he asked after a moment.

“Yep.”

“Okay…” he trailed off amused and followed right behind me.

I was smiling as I climbed the rest of the stairs. But as soon as I reached the dining room, well… things got real. I stopped in my tracks and I felt him stop right behind me, both slightly hesitating.

“Maybe I should have brought two bottles.” I heard him mutter breathlessly.

I pursed my lips. Yeah, just maybe.


	3. The Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter, at last! Thank you everyone for joining me on this ride, it's been such a blast. 
> 
> A HUGE shout-out to my pal, Jerry_Larchive. If it weren't for you cheering me up every step of the way, I would have dropped Japril and writing altogether. You are a gem. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING <3
> 
> IMPORTANT: I was listening to this cutie while writing the ending, I strongly suggest you do too: "The Luckiest (About Time version) - Ben Folds".

I focused my attention on the glass in my hand, moving it in a slight circle and causing the wine inside to swirl. The lighting in the dining room was low and soft but, through the glass wall that framed the long side of the room, the million lights of the busy city reflected on the almost transparent liquid, making it almost shine in the darkness.

The chair on the other side of the table was pulled out with a high-pitched screeching noise, and I half-smiled to myself. The familiar sound of Jackson Avery sitting across from me. I glanced his way, only to momentarily lose my voice at the sight. His expressive eyes shimmered in the dark, expelling the last of logical thought from my mind. They were the color of the rarest grandidierite in the sun; a clear sky through a broken prison wall; a perfect raindrop on a blue aster. Magnetizing, dazzling, fascinating. I forced my gaze away violently, struggling to remember how to breathe.

He cleared his throat, holding his own glass of wine on his one knee instead. He looked outside, through the enormous glass wall. "Pretty, isn't it?"

I nodded, my mind lost for a second before starting to function again. _The view_ , yes. The view was pretty. The house had only two stories, but it was built at the highest side of the city, at probably the best possible spot. Thanks to that, no tall building was blocking the sight, and the entire city unfolded before our eyes. The busy highways, the monuments of modern age that were the skyscrapers, the endless neon lights of the clubs and bars, shinning on the rain-kissed sidewalks. And of course the space needle, its top a flash of blue that gleamed in the dark. If you focused hard enough, you could even see that few stars freckled the black sky – something impossible in our previous joined apartment, even with our telescope. Nights in Seattle had always amazed me. I found the symphony of lights mesmerizing, and the never-quieting, lively streets so different from the eerie stillness of Moline I was so used to.

"Did I tell you that the dining room was what did it for me?" He wondered, looking outside. "I wasn't too sure about the rest of the house, but this view right here was very hard to say no to."

"It's beautiful." I agreed. It would have been enough to make up my mind as well. If I had the money to buy the house, that was. "It's a dream house, really."

"It's kinda nice." He apathetically agreed.

Ha. "Yeah. The pool is _kinda nice_." I mimicked his indifferent tone.

He chuckled, very much aware of how passionately in love I had fallen with his pool. I would wake up before dawn simply so that I could take a dip before I showered, and then again he'd find me on the back yard, dipped inside the pool and clinging onto one of its walls as I read a book when he returned from a late night shift, right after I had put Harriet to sleep. I had never owned a pool, and now that there was one available for me I was taking full advantage of it.

"The plenty of TVs around here, you seem to find those _kinda_ _nice_ too." I commented after a moment with a teasing smile.

"Oh, come on. They're only five."

"Only five!"

"It was my heart's long desire, what can I say." He was grinning like a proud idiot and I couldn't help but laugh.

And it felt so good to finally be able to talk freely with him about such small things. I realized right then that I had never even commented on the house, on the preposterous number of TVs, on anything for that matter… not freely anyway. At first when Harriet was born and with the divorce and then custody battle so close, we had been on edge every time we'd been in the same room. Living together had been way worse than having a random stranger as a roommate. But even worse had been the past month of anger and spite. They had drained me. Physically and emotionally alike, hating him was exhausting. And I was so relieved I didn't have to do that anymore.

I realized I was staring at him once again, and looked back outside. The night sky was clear, not a cloud in the horizon – something so unusual for Seattle that it seemed astounding to my eyes. A plane was passing by right then, its green and red lights flickering as it went, dots of bright color contrasting the darkness.

"UFO." I casually said, and I grinned widely when I heard him say it along at the exact same time.

It was an inside joke of a lifetime ago, when after a late night at Joe's and a 'few' drinks, planes and foreign spaceships had seemed frighteningly similar. We'd had the laughter of our lives about it the following day, but at the time we had honestly come to believe we were in the middle of an alien invasion.

"I want that again." I mumbled unthinkingly. But then he was looking at me in wonder, and I had to finish the thought out loud. "The friendship. The good times. No walking on eggshells or endless fights or… I want the easy part back. Can we have that?"

"Of course, of course we can have that, I…" He slightly frowned, then reached to take my hand in his own. His eyes met mine, their depths endless. "Look, before everything else, I want to officially apologize for all this mess this past month, about Minnick and everything. I never meant for it to go this far, I-"

"Jackson, you don't have to-"

"Let me finish, jeez."

I snorted.

He licked his lips. "Look, honestly… all I knew was that we were on something together and then suddenly you switch sides and I find you against me instead of beside me. I realize that is not what you were doing, I know that, but in the beginning that was how I saw it and it stung a bit. I meant to simply hold a grudge, however, I never anticipated it would come to what it eventually did… I never should have treated you the way I did. And I am horribly sorry for that." He finished, his eyes honest.

"Forgiven." I simply murmured, hearing all these for the very first time. I didn't expect anything near this for his reasoning, and though not erased, I felt like his behavior wasn't the most horrible thing.

He seemed surprised. "Just like that?"

"I'm tired of fighting. I want some resolution for once."

He nodded. After a minute he smiled. "Thank you."

I raised an eyebrow. "Don't you dare think of doing something like that again."

"No ma'am."

I chuckled. "Alright. Issue resolved, then. Cheers to that." I raised my glass.

He mimicked me. "And to resolving the rest."

"The rest?" I questioned as the glasses clinked together.

He brought his to his lips and took a long, slow sip. His eyes were enigmatic.

"What? What else it there?"

"I can think of numerous things." He said. He seemed a bit cautious.

"Like?"

He thought for a second. Then he grinned. "Like you calling me a 'narrow-minded, short sighted, judgmental and insulting piece of shit', for instance. That really stung."

I blinked. "Uh… I never…" I trailed off, but then I remembered a particular conversation with a very special someone a while back. _Catherine_. "It was piece of _work_." I corrected. "And you were."

"True, but it still hurt to hear."

I let out a sigh. "Well, I'm sorry, but you deserved it."

"That has to be the worst apology in history but I'll take it."

"You do that, cause that's all you're gonna get."

He chuckled.

"But that was not what you were going to say." I pushed on. He clearly had something else on his mind when he mentioned those 'issues'.

His eyes darkened a bit. "You're too observant for your own good." He said. "But you're right."

"So tell me what you meant to, then."

"It might not be pleasant." He warned. "Or _easy_."

I sighed. Then I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. Tell me."

He pursed his lips. Then his hand, which had been holding mine all along, fell on his lap. His eyes were low when he spoke again, and his voice could barely be heard. "Jordan." He said. "I was thinking about Jordan."

I blinked. "J-Jordan?"

And I was in shock. Because not in a million years did I expect I would hear that word from his lips after that final argument… after the divorce… For us, it had been the choice, my choice, that led us to the end. A decision that he needed me to regret, but I couldn't bring myself to.

He gulped, and then huffed uneasily. "I didn't really mean to bring that up, sorry."

I had no idea what to say. I sat still, scared that this invisible drawer that we had locked this constant fight that poisoned our marriage would suddenly open wide, that the so carefully built wall of avoidance and overlooking would shatter with the smallest of moves.

He didn't seem as shaken, though, and that surprised me.

"But eventually…" he spoke again, "you know, Jordan is something we _need_ to stop ignoring if we are to…" he trailed off.

And I was still too numb to realize what he was saying. So I simply just stared at him.

"Which brings us to the most burning issue in my opinion." He moved on. He paused for an endless moment, and the only sounds in the room where the ticking of the large clock, our breaths, and the distant sounds of the busy highway in the background. A few ticks after, his expression softened. "Last night." He eventually said.

And instantly my heart skipped a beat. "Oh."

"Yeah." He took another sip of wine, a smile playing on his lips.

So that time had come. Perfect.

"You seem awfully quiet, are you alright?" his voice was teasing.

The mentioning of Jordan and a teasing tone, in that order, didn't _nearly_ fit in the same conversation. I was completely taken aback. "Just… surprised, I guess." I found my voice.

"By what?" he asked innocently.

"Your behavior, mostly." I knew he knew what I was talking about, so I didn't bother explaining that.

He was still smiling though. Not in a teasing way this time. In a… well, kind way. "I am willing to be… call it open. Or understanding. Even forgiving. Well, I am willing to be a lot of things honestly. To put my best efforts into this." He paused. "That is, if you are too."

"Define _'this'_." I couldn't help but ask.

"I think we are supposed to define that together."

I met his brilliant eyes for an endless moment lost in time.

"Well, someone has to do the start." I eventually said, breaking eye contact. The tension in his gaze was overwhelming.

"Let that be you." he chuckled. "I'm the only one talking."

I rolled my eyes, but I was hesitating. And I was hesitating because God knew I had been rejected one too many times to be brave about this.

And the amazing part was that he knew that, he saw the reason behind my reluctance, my _fear_. And just like he had always done -as a best friend, as a husband, as a co-parent- he sought to reassure me with tender eyes and a gentle smile. To take away the cause of my uneasiness any way he could. And in this case, by speaking.

"It's now or never."

My gaze met his at the sound of his voice, and it was soft. Trusting. "I know you're tired of the hard stuff. Believe me when I say I am too. I want nothing more than to just… to fall into you, corny as it sounds." He chuckled softly, and then shook his head. "But I think that if we do this again, we need to, just as you said, resolve some issues that we have. Because we do have issues. We've hurt each other, April, so many damned times. And we never sat down and apologized, never thought to. If we don't resolve all that, if we just bury them under the carpet they will hunt us forever. We'll be doomed once again." He told me intensely.

And he was right, God, he was. Scary as it seemed, we had to open that stupid drawer, to break the freaking wall if we were to work things out. And it wouldn't be easy. It would be so goddamn hard.

I bit down on my lower lip, torn, and let out a long breath.

"Now we can do easy," he continued, "we can be just friends if you want. And I totally understand if that is what you're in for, because I am tired of all the hard stuff too. I get it, and I will respect that choice. We're not making things weird though in that case, alright? We've been through that one too many times, and if we make plain friendship complicated too then the whole argument doesn't stand. We choose easy or we don't.

"But if we…" he exclaimed, choosing his words carefully. "If we just hang on for a while and try to solve the hard stuff… through talking though, not fighting… then I'm sure we can make this work. I know it."

I felt a pout form on my face, but didn't try to hide it. "You're still not defining _'this'_."

"That's what's bothering you right now?" he asked incredulously. "I'm pouring my guts out to you, and that's what you sweat on?"

I laughed, eyes wide. "Oh my God, it's 'pour your heart out', 'spill your guts'! Jesus, what is it with you?"

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Stupid expressions."

"And yes, that's what I sweat on." I explained. "Because if all this is just another trial for something that won't last, or if you're not all in like the last time you said so and then threw the papers on my face then I don't think I am willing to go through it again."

Halfway through the sentence the light atmosphere began to fade, and by the end we were both looking away from each other. I took a long sip of my wine, feeling the familiar warmth of alcohol spread through my veins. The slight fuzz of intoxication that was beginning to kick in was most welcome.

A second later I heard him let out a long sigh. "That's fair, but damn."

I smiled. I couldn't help it.

"I'm in, April." He said then, and I finally looked up. He did too, his eyes slightly hesitant but honest. "For a relationship, for a lifetime together, for the whole thing. I want us to work… but that doesn't mean we will, and we both know that." The look he gave me was meaningful, and I couldn't help but nod in agreement. "I can't make promises other than I will put everything I have in this. But from that point and on, it's not up to me. Or you, really."

I raised an eyebrow, the opportunity too great not to take it. "You mean it's up to God?"

"I was thinking more of fate, but whatever suits you."

"Of course" I rolled my eyes. Then I smiled up at him.

He cocked his head quizzically. "Is that a yes?"

"A yes to what?" I laughed out loud. "A yes to _'this'_?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake…"

I giggled. Then, I pursed my lips. "You know what, though, I don't believe that's true. We're the ones that are in charge of what happens now. I think it's completely in our hands to make us work."

"So it's up to us… and it's not up to God?" he concluded, an eyebrow raised.

"Oh, he sure gets a say, but… Look, God doesn't act like a dictator. He shows you the right path, but from that point forward it's on you to choose whether you will follow it or not."

"And this is the right path?" he asked.

And the doorbell rang right then.

Both our heads turned towards the stairs, momentarily having forgotten all about the takeout. The second I remembered I jumped up from my seat. "I'll get it." I chirped with a huge grin lighting up my face. And as I passed by him the fizzy feeling of building enthusiasm overtook me and I couldn't help but make a little stop. I turned to face him and surprised him by quickly placing a small peck on his lips.

It was barely a touch, just a causal kiss, like we had and would be doing this for every day of our life. But the electric current that suddenly cursed through me at the action had me frozen to the spot.

This was our first kiss back home, I suddenly realized.

His eyes met mine, and our gazes locked. Slowly, he lifted his hand to push a lock of my hair behind my ear, and then cupped my cheek. Our eyes closed in synch this time, and our lips met in a much tenderer, loving way. It was a brief kiss as well, but it was impossibly more meaningful. It was a little promise that whatever happened in Montana wouldn't just stay there as a sweet memory, but was simply the beginning of our way back to each other.

It was a yes.

And once we broke apart and smiled at each other, we knew that we both knew it.

The doorbell rang once again right then. And then yet another time. And laughing and giggling we both made our way downstairs almost running in exhilaration.

I still wonder to this day how Harriet slept through all that.

And so we received the food, we grabbed a couple of plates and we went back to the dining room upstairs. Through the glassine wall, the city stayed alive despite the passing of time. It was 1 am by now, and truthfully I was exhausted. The dim lighting of the room didn't help much, and neither did the warmth of the alcohol. I could barely keep my eyelids open when he was finally sitting down on the other side of the table, across from me. I yawned.

"Tired?" he asked softly with a small smile.

"Lack of sleep is kicking in." I mumbled. I drank some wine and then began eating. For me he'd ordered my favorite pork with bamboo and bean roots, and enough of side dishes to feed an army which he got a sleepy glare for but no comment. We ate in silence for a while, and as the minutes ticked by the atmosphere remained rather calm and peaceful, which really didn't help much my fight with sleep.

"April?"

I looked up at him tiredly, chewing mechanically. I was probably half-asleep by that point. "…Yes?"

He swallowed. "You didn't pray."

"Fuck."

He burst out laughing.

And he kept doing so as I sent out a brief prayer. Tired as I might be, I couldn't not add a special little _thank you_ at the end. When I opened my eyes again, I was smiling. Like a zombie, but still smiling.

"You look awful."

"Yeah, whose fault is that?"

He chuckled, and I huffed. My eyes closed, my arm on the table supporting my head which leaned into my palm.

"So, are we openly together?" I asked. We hadn't really covered everything yet, sleep had to wait. I blinked to force it away, and momentarily it worked.

He swallowed and then pushed a piece of bamboo around his plate with his fork. "We could be."

I chewed some more expectantly; that wasn't really an answer. But I thought I kind of understood what he meant. And then I smirked. "Oh, you wanna do the usual?"

"The usual?" He snorted. "No, not really. I'm pretty sick of the games and the secrets and the sneaking around. Let's just be us for once, what do you say?"

"That actually sounds pretty prefect." I really liked the way this was coming around. My initial wish for uncomplicated seemed to be coming true. Of course it wouldn't be easy, but starting with honesty and openness and whatever came natural for once was such a relief I could cry just thinking about it.

"Except from when my mom is around."

I laughed. "So much for openness."

"Just a tiny, bity exception." He flashed his perfect teeth at me and my resolution flattered.

"I think she's on to us already." I mumbled while drinking some wine.

He winced. "Probably, yeah. No, actually I'm sure she is."

"Then why hide it?"

"Because I don't wanna hear it. The 'I told you, Jackson, I said this would happen but you wouldn't listen'."

I took a bite and chewed, then looked up at him. "She said that?"

He looked a bit sheepish. "She wasn't the only one."

My eyebrows shot upwards.

"Can we talk about this another time?"

Snap. "But now you've got me all intrigued."

"I can intrigue you with other, much more pleasant things." There was a glint in his ocean eyes.

I giggled. "And it all comes back to this."

"No seriously, how do we do this?" his tone changed in an instant and he was serious again. Well, partly. He was grinning. "Do we have sex?"

I opened my mouth and then closed it again, looking on my plate bashfully but smiling all the way. "I mean, I think we covered that already." _Wordlessly_.

"Okay but last night at least was the heat of the moment, it doesn't count. We didn't really put much thought into it. Or, at least I didn't."

"Yeah, I didn't either." I realized. One second I was going back to my room to knock off, the next I was naked in his own. But this morning on our flight back had been a different story… Another yawn escaped me.

"Am I boring you?"

I smiled. "Terribly."

"The feeling is mutual."

I chuckled, and the sound was off, tired. Then I sighed. "Okay, so we're not holding anything back basically, just not rushing through anything."

"Agreed."

"No sudden elopings out of nowhere, okay?" I joked. Well, half-joked.

"No ma'am."

"Good." I mumbled, satisfied.

"And no sudden babies popping up, deal? Let's take our time for once."

"Takes two to tango." I pointed out as I put my elbow on the table and used my arm to support my head.

"So we are careful."

"Yes sir."

He chuckled. The sound of his fork clicking on his plate as he ate had me startled; only after a second did I realize I had closed my eyes. I tried to keep them open.

"You barely ate anything." He pointed out.

"I'm exhausted." I grumbled.

"At least have some of my apology- fortune cookies... I'm sorry about the other night, by the way."

"I get it, it's okay. You had a lot in your head."

"Yes, but you didn't deserve to be treated like that."

"I didn't. But you are going through a thing, and I am being here for you. I can be elastic."

His eyes were warm. "What have I done to deserve you?"

"The same things, only in a way greater scale." I slurred. I wasn't sober enough to keep talking, but the wine had nothing to do with my state of mind. "Anyway, you're forgiven." I Issue solved, hurray…"

"Your enthusiasm is overwhelming."

"I'm half asleep, let me be."

He chuckled. "Anyway, should I bring the fortune cookies?"

"I can't… Tomorrow…"

"Wow, shit just got serious."

"…shut up."

He laughed and I chuckled along, crossing my arms on the table and letting my head slide down to use them as a pillow. My cheek nuzzled against them trying to find a comfy spot, while I felt my hair glide down my shoulders to land on the cold surface of the table.

Warm fingers were on it then, pushing red locks back to uncover my newly-buried face. "Seems like your hair is hungrier than you, it almost fell inside your plate."

I smiled, too lazy to reply.

His hands stayed on my hair and stroked it a few times gently, until eventually I heard the sound of his chair scrape noisily against the floor. A few heavy steps followed, and then he pulled back the chair next to mine just as noisily and sat on it. A second later I felt his warm lips on my temple, their touch so feather-like I shivered.

A few minutes ticked by before I heard his voice again. "Did you fall asleep?"

"…Mmm." I simply hummed.

"Okay, let's go to bed."

"Mm'kay."

He slowly helped me up and held onto my waist. We came down the stairs in the rhythm of a snail, and I really enjoyed holding onto him every second of the way.

"I would have carried you but I'm super-tired myself." He said at the bottom of the stairs, and then instead of turning right he kept walking forward. A door opened and then closed behind us, and it took me a long while to realize where I was. Then I frowned.

"This is not my room."

His next yawn was too fake to be believable, and he knew it. "Oh, it's not? I guess my eyes are failing me. But well, since we are here…"

I shook my head all too knowingly. "For starters, you are impossible."

"I claim that." He murmured, and he leaned closer to open a drawer from the closet which was –very conveniently- behind me. His head reached my shoulder and he placed a little kiss there. Then his lips dragged to my throat as his hands worked to remove my shirt.

"Jackson…" I murmured, my mind numb from both the impact of sleep and his kisses. I was feeling my knees buckle. "I'm exhausted…"

His breath hit my skin between brief pauses; he was laughing. "Me too." He said, and my shirt came off. Then he unclasped my bra, removing it altogether... And I was topless.

But not for long. Just as the chilly temperature of late March began to have an effect on me, a long, over-sized dark blue t-shirt was thrown over my head. He slid my arms through the sleeves and pulled it down on me, until it straightened above my body, ending just below my butt.

Our eyes met, and his were soft. The edges of his lips twisted upwards, and then his hands moved to my front, to unbutton my jeans. He slid those down too, careful for my underwear to stay in place, and I raised my legs to help him remove them.

"There." He said eventually and threw everything on a high chair in the corner. Then he took off his own clothes and threw them on the pile as well, before grabbing his pajamas from the drawer and putting them on. He gestured towards the bed. "Make yourself at home."

"Are you sure?" I hesitated, watching him lay on the bed.

"About sleeping together? April, it's just sharing a bed."

But this wasn't Montana and he knew it. This wasn't a trip with us away from everyone and everything. This was Seattle, this was home, our everyday… Our life. This wasn't a random bed in a hotel we were sharing, this was his bed – which I had never even sat on before – and this was the first step into making it… ours. _Our_ bed.

So it was a big deal, and it was happening fast. But then again, why on earth would we hesitate now? We knew each other, we loved… Well, maybe it was too early to say that. But we _did_. So maybe it was about damn time we started acting like it, and the words would follow.

As if he was thinking the same thing, Jackson's eyes softened impossibly more. He looked down at his hand, which was draped over the middle of the bed. Then he slightly patted the mattress. "Come here."

Never releasing my lip, I quickly made my way to him, trying to stop overthinking. The second I got under the covers he switched the lights closed.

Instantly a shiver shot down my spine. And it wasn't just because of the fact that he and I were about to fall asleep together again, after years –something I hadn't imagined in my wildest dreams – or because I could feel him centimeters from my in the darkness and suddenly the tension between us turned electrifying… It was also because the sheets were freaking cold.

"Brrr, Jesus." I gasped, and I heard his chuckle inches away from my face.

He scooted closer, and I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled my body on his, nuzzling against him. As always, he was so warm. Everything about him was warm, in contrast to my tiny freezing body. When I shoved my feet between his, he let out a sharp breath against my hair and I was the one to chuckle. Still, he wrapped his one hand around my body and held me close.

"Goodnight." He whispered, and gave my forehead a soft kiss.

"Hmm, goodnight." I replied, sighing in content.

And then baby cries filled the room.

We both groaned in unison, and right after laughed at our synchronization.

"Damned milk." I mumbled and squeezed further against him, not wanting to move an inch. I was just starting to warm up, and my body felt too heavy to move anyway.

"I'll go feed her some from the fridge, you sleep." He sighed. "You're more tired than I am."

I smiled. "Awe, that's so niiice." I dragged the vowel sleepily. "Thank you."

He hummed in reply, sat up and got out of the bed. "How lucky are you to have me." He muttered as he made his way to the door and out the corridor.

"The luckiest." I mumbled against the pillow, my limbs stretching on the mattress over to his side, which he had already managed to warm up.

And I was. I truly was the luckiest, wasn't I?

I found myself smiling on my own when I heard him come out of the nursery, heading with heavy steps towards the kitchen with our fuzzing daughter in his arms.

I flipped to my back. "Jackson?"

"Yeah?" I heard him call out from the hallway.

"Bring her here." I said groggily. I only opened my eyes when I felt a shadow block the light through my closed eyelids.

He was standing at the doorframe, holding a tear-strained Harriet who instantly held her hands out to me. Jackson gave me a quizzing look.

"C'mere." I whispered and stroked the mattress next to me. "I'll feed her here."

"You'll both fall asleep. And so will I." He argued, but came to sit on the bed anyway. It had been a rule from day one that neither of us ever slept with her, and he knew as well as I did that I wasn't one to just defy the rules.

"One night never killed anyone, right?" I mumbled to both our surprise, too content in my bubble of sleepy euphoria to be strict about this.

Jackson grinned and laid Harriet down on the middle of the bed, and I raised my shirt to place the baby on my breast. She instantly stopped whining and started drinking, and put her little hand on it, the way she always did.

Satisfied, I adjusted the covers so that my breast and her head were the only things exposed. In the meantime, Jackson had laid himself on the other side and he scooped close as possible so that Harriet was against his chest but he wouldn't accidentally land on her if he flipped over during the night. He then put his arm around the both of us, sealing us into the warmest embrace.

Now, I had obviously breastfed in front of Jackson a million times before, but never like this. This didn't just feel like a bonding moment between the parents and their child, it felt like… like the three of us were one. A unit. A family. I looked up at him, my sleepiness fading and awe, adoration taking its place. And when I met his eyes, I knew that he was feeling the same.

In the darkness, he leaned close the rub his nose against my own in a sweet, tender way. A smile crept onto my lips and I just let it sit there, warming my face. Once he saw it, he simply rested his forehead against my own in content. A moment after our breathings matched in sync, chests rising and falling with the sedative qualities of a lullaby.

I drifted to sleep in the arms of my perfect little family, the future lying ahead of us clearer and brighter than it had ever been. As my consciousness ebbed my mind went to a free fall, swirling with the beautiful chaos of new dreams. Dreams of endless scarlet sunrises, ocean eyes, dimpled smiles and fields of butterflies. Dreams I knew were coming true.

All thanks to Montana. All thanks to last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was deprived of feedback for this one, I see so many hits but so few comments. I honestly need your support to keep writing, I can't make it otherwise. If you made it this far and you liked what you read at all, please take a second and let me know. It honestly means so much. :)
> 
> THANK YOU EVERYONE! I love you all!


End file.
